by Ada Porat | Aug 9, 2023 | Change bad habits, Life skills, Personal growth, Self-awareness
Photo credit: Frida Lannerstrom, Unsplash
We all have one – that inner critic that spews forth endless criticism, judgment or disapproval about our efforts. It might lead with critical questions like “what were you thinking?” or self-blame like “what’s wrong with you?” or “you’re such a loser!” And since our thoughts hugely influence how we feel and behave, the inner critic’s negative self-talk can become downright destructive.
This critical inner voice was formed out of painful early life experiences where we saw or experienced hurtful attitudes toward us or others close to us. Over time, we unconsciously adopted and internalized this pattern of destructive self-criticism, allowing it to continue the internal monologue even when there is no need for it.
When we fail to separate from the inner critic, it can run rampant in our lives, creating conflict and sabotaging our success.
Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron has said, “If we want to make peace with ourselves and with the world at large, we have to look closely at the source of all of our wars.”
Both war and peace start within us. If we want peace in our lives and in the world, we need to learn how to stop this internal violence and abuse. We must learn how to proactively address our negative thoughts and develop a more productive dialog within.
Here are six steps to tame the inner critic:
1. Develop awareness of your thoughts. Awareness precedes change, and taming the inner critic is no exception. Become aware of the voice of your inner critic; recognize that it is merely an aspect of your psyche and not all that you are. We get so used to hearing our own narrations we can become oblivious as to their source. Pay attention to your inner narrative; recognize that just because the inner critic says something, doesn’t mean it’s true.
2. Allow yourself to observe the inner critic. Become aware of when your inner critic shows up, and what its negative messages are. Notice how its messages are often exaggerated, biased, and disproportionate. Its power to control you lies in its ability to operate unchallenged. Typically, the inner critic’s judgments and accusations may not be fully truth-based. Allow yourself to see this inner bully for what it is, so you can take appropriate action.
3. Examine the evidence. If you are thinking in terms of absolutes (“You’re never going to make it” or “nobody loves you”) ask yourself if that statement is true. Looking at evidence on both sides of the argument can help you look at the situation more rationally and less emotionally. The evidence of insight empowers, while the condemnation of the inner critic always tries to diminish.
4. Identify the truth. Ask yourself what advice you’d give to a friend struggling with self-criticism, failure or doubt. Now, give that same advice to yourself with kindness. If you’ve made a mistake, having a decent regret and resolving to learn from it, is usually enough – you don’t need to condemn yourself for life.
5. Replace overly critical thoughts with more accurate statements. When you find yourself thinking, “I never do anything right,” replace it with a balanced statement like, “Sometimes I do things really well and sometimes I don’t.” You are allowed to make mistakes! Each time you find yourself thinking an exaggerated negative thought, respond with a more accurate statement and move on; don’t ruminate on your mistakes.
6. Balance acceptance with self-improvement. There’s a difference between always telling yourself that you’re not good enough and reminding yourself that you can work at improving. When we resist our flaws, they persist. Instead, accept your flaws for what they are today, and commit to work on improving in these areas. Acknowledging your weaknesses for what they are today doesn’t mean you are doomed to stay that way. It simply reflects your baseline today, and you can use that information to strive toward becoming better. That way, you use the input from your inner critic to motivate you instead of to bully you.
Your inner dialogue with yourself is a critical part of your psyche. It will either fuel your success or prevent you from reaching your full potential. Taming your inner critic and silencing the excess negativity will empower you to live more effectively and to develop your full potential.
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Jul 17, 2023 | Body Mind Spirit, Emotional healing, Life skills, Mindfulness, Personal growth
Photo Credit: Naira Babayan, Unsplash
Life includes a range of emotions, some pleasant and others challenging. We often feel the urge to resist or suppress challenging emotions, but doing so intensifies them over time.
Instead, mindfulness offers us practical ways to transform challenging emotions and enjoy inner peace. By developing this valuable skill, you can navigate difficult emotions with grace and enjoy greater emotional balance. Here’s how:
Become Aware of Your Emotions
Becoming aware of our emotions is the first step in effectively managing them. Check in with yourself during the day and become aware of the emotions you are experiencing. Recognize when challenging emotions surface so you can address them promptly before they escalate.
Identify The Emotion
By naming an unpleasant emotion, you can work with it more effectively. Does it feel like anger, stress, fear, overwhelm or anxiety? When you zero in and name the emotion, it brings more clarity to the way you feel.
Observe, Accept, and Detach
Simply observe the emotion without resistance or suppression. Recognize emotion as a natural part of the range of human experience. As an impartial observer, you can watch the emotion without losing yourself in it.
Externalize the Emotion
To externalize the emotion, visualize it as a color, shape, or tangible object. When you do that, it becomes more manageable and less overwhelming. You could visualize anger as a fiery red sphere, anxiety as a swirling cloud, or sadness as a heavy weight.
Consider the Source of the Emotion
Take a moment to reflect on possible triggers or causes for the emotion’s emergence. Understanding the source of the emotion can give you insight into how to avoid it in the future. Are you angry because you are hungry? Did someone’s actions trigger memories of old trauma that needs healing? When you understand how an emotion was triggered, it empowers you to do something positive about it.
Remember the Emotion’s Transient Nature
Emotions are transient, similar to clouds passing through the sky. Through patient observation, you’ll notice the emotion gradually losing intensity and dissolving, just as clouds dissipate in sunlight. You are not your emotions; you are eternal consciousness observing these transient emotions.
Return to Balanced Breathing
After processing a difficult emotion, you can regain calmness by focusing on your breath. Take a few deep breaths, keeping count on the inhalation and exhaling for the same count. Let your breath serve as an anchor, bringing you back to the present moment and restoring your inner sense of equilibrium.
When you handle emotions this way, you’ll access your emotional intelligence and restore inner peace, no matter what arises. Even more importantly, you’ll embody the presence of higher consciousness in which all forms of life can evolve.
©Copyright Ada Porat. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. Ada Porat is an energy kinesiologist & pastoral counselor with extensive international teaching & clinical experience. She uses body/mind/spirit techniques to help clients make optimal life choices. For more information, visit https://AdaPorat.com
by Ada Porat | Jun 15, 2023 | Conscious living, Life skills, Spirituality
Photo credit: Vitolda Klein, Unsplash
“Forgiveness is the demonstration that you are the light of the world. Through your forgiveness does the truth about your self return to your memory.” – Course in Miracles
We’ve all seen the power of forgiving someone else, yet many of us struggle with guilt, blame and the inability to forgive ourselves. Whether it’s feeling responsible for a death or something much simpler, if you can’t forgive yourself, you can’t move on.
For your own good, it is essential to start the healing process of forgiveness. You may struggle to forgive yourself for hurting others, or for being manipulative, or for mistreating yourself with negative self-talk or criticism. Whatever happened, healing can start where you’re at right now.
Choosing to not forgive is like wearing dark glasses that distort everything you see, especially your perception of others who don’t see life the same way. Unforgiveness is a dense and heavy burden that absolutely needs to be dealt with if you wish to experience the joys of life. Its circular dynamic can keep you stuck for life: when you can’t forgive yourself you’re unable to forgive others, and when you can’t forgive others, you’re unable to forgive yourself.
Choosing forgiveness changes everything. It lightens your emotional load and eases your path.
Sometimes forgiveness is withheld because we judge another as unworthy of it. However, to forgive has nothing to do with worthiness—yours or another’s. The issue is whether you wish to hold onto the heavy baggage of old grudges and perceived wrongs which will ultimately damage you. Research studies have shown the effectiveness of forgiveness to support the healing journey of patients with life-threatening illnesses.
Ultimately, practicing forgiveness is essential if you don’t want to be miserable for the rest of your life. You alone have the power to remove the roadblocks to living your best life and choosing to forgive is an important one. Here are five steps to help you master forgiveness:
- Reopen your heart and mind. When faced with terrible wrongs, betrayal or loss, it is natural for your heart and mind to slam shut in self-protection. Opening up again is essential for healing, and it can start with the simple choice: “I am willing to consider that there is another way forward.”
- Choose to love yourself, no matter what happened. Guilt is a catch-all emotion we use to cover everything negative or bad. It is a dense vortex that can pull us into the ultimate betrayal: that of abandoning ourselves. To heal, it is essential for us to love and embrace ourselves.
- Demystify your guilt. There is a common misconception that the depth of our grief, pain or guilt reflects the level of love we have for the person or situation we’ve lost. That misconception can keep us trapped in pseudo guilt, afraid to let go. It’s not a betrayal of your past love or loss to recognize the destructiveness of unprocessed guilt and to deal with it in a different way.
- Give yourself permission to heal. Part of forgiving yourself is understanding that you don’t need to be punished or to punish yourself for the past. Give yourself permission to let go of the past and its grief, loss, wrongdoing and pain. Only by healing our woundedness, can we offer pure love and blessing to others.
- Actively create new opportunities. If you’ve been unable to forgive yourself, you may have been holding yourself to unrealistic expectations or perfectionism. Healing comes when we forgive ourselves, learn from our experiences and get back into life to start again. Start with small steps and stay present to new opportunities instead of hearkening back to the past.
Because forgiveness is not an easy discipline to master, there have been many tools developed throughout history to assist in the process. Here are a few that you may find helpful:
Meditation and Reflection
Meditation and reflection bring us back to the present, from where we can let go of the past and own the present moment. This process of reflective self-awareness allows us to observe our feelings without resistance. This is the first step in the healing process. When first beginning to meditate, it can be helpful to commit for a period of, say, three months. During meditation, you can allow feelings to surface. When they do, simple breathe through the sensations, wherever they show up – and you will discover that you are not your feelings; your true nature is limitless consciousness observing the feelings.
Mantras and Affirmations
This practice helps to change habitual thought patterns. You can use a chant or mantra from a spiritual tradition, or you can create your own to repeat to yourself throughout each day. A simple example could be: “I forgive myself and everyone else.” This may feel awkward at first, but over time, it will start to shift entrenched thought patterns.
Journaling
Recording your thoughts in a journal can be a valuable way of releasing emotions. Journaling is a safe place to acknowledge different emotions, explore their causes, understand your responses and discover ways to eliminate triggers while focusing on more helpful emotions.
Making Amends
In twelve-step groups making amends is an important step in finding freedom and healing. True forgiveness comes from surrender to a Higher Power – whether you bring an offering of forgiveness, service or sacrifice for atonement. You can create your own amendment offering through philanthropy, activism, volunteerism or some other form of service that requires a gifting of your time, money or effort. You may not be able to make amends with someone who hurt you because they are no longer around, but you can pay it forward in service to others. The key is to consciously make that sacrifice in light of your desire for forgiveness.
©Copyright Ada Porat. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. For more information, visit https://AdaPorat.com
by Ada Porat | May 29, 2023 | Conscious living, Life Balance
Photo Credit: Katrina Berban, Unsplash
“Play is the only way the highest intelligence of humankind can unfold.” – Joseph Chilton Pearce
Recently, I attended a conference where the speaker asked participants: “Are you fun to live with?” She then explained that if you don’t value the importance of play and having fun in your life, you will most likely not be fun to live with. That sure got my attention!
Western society tends to dismiss play for adults. Play is perceived as unproductive, a waste of time or even a guilty indulgence. As adults, we’re supposed to be serious. And with responsibilities piling on endlessly, we may think there’s simply no time to play.
Yet, play is just as pivotal for adults as it is for kids.
In English, the word “play” represents the opposite of “work.” But this definition is misleading. As psychiatrist Brian Sutton-Smith puts it: “The opposite of play is not work, it’s depression.” Dr. Smith began studying the role of play in brain development after discovering the impact of no play on the brain development of homicidal young men. He found that play of any kind is essential to brain development.
Play is not just essential for kids; it is an important source of relaxation and stimulation for adults as well. Playing with your partner, friends, co-workers, children and pets fuels your imagination, creativity, problem-solving abilities, and emotional well-being.
Simply put, play brings joy.
Adult play is a time to forget about responsibilities and get social in an unstructured, creative way. When you play, you focus on an experience, not on accomplishing a goal. There need be no purpose to the activity beyond having fun and enjoying yourself. Play could be goofing off with friends, sharing jokes with a coworker, throwing a Frisbee with your kids, playing fetch with a dog or going for a bike ride.
By giving yourself permission to play with the joyful abandon of childhood, you can reap oodles of health benefits. Here are just a few:
Play refreshes you. When you take a break from mentally challenging tasks to play for a few minutes, you release built-up tension and allow your brain circuitry to rebalance. These brief diversions refresh your mind and body, renew your focus and prevent burnout. It can also help you to view problems in new ways, so you can find optimal solutions.
Play relieves stress. Play is fun and triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even relieve pain.
Play improves brain function. Playing chess, completing puzzles, or pursuing other fun activities that challenge the brain can improve brain function and help prevent memory problems. The social interaction of playing with family and friends can also release stress and ward off depression.
It keeps you feeling young and energetic. In the words of George Bernard Shaw, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” Playing boosts your energy and vitality and can even improve your resistance to disease.
Play is good for your heart. Physical play is a great way to trick yourself into becoming more active—a habit that benefits your heart. Just walking the dog burns 230 calories per hour, and a leisurely bike ride burns over 420.
Play stimulates your mind and boosts creativity. You learn a new task better when it’s fun and you are in a relaxed and playful mood. Play also stimulates your imagination, helping you adapt and problem solve better.
It helps heal emotional wounds. Studies have shown that when an emotionally upset individual plays with a partner who feels more stable, it can help replace negative beliefs and behaviors with positive awareness and action.
Play improves relationships and connection to others. Sharing laughter and fun fosters empathy, compassion, trust and intimacy with others. Play doesn’t have to be a specific activity; it can also be a state of mind. Developing a playful nature can help you loosen up in stressful situations, break the ice with strangers, make new friends, and form new business relationships.
It develops and improves social skills. During childhood play, kids learn about verbal communication, body language, boundaries, cooperation, and teamwork. As adults, we continue to refine these skills through play and playful communication.
Play improves interpersonal cooperation. Play is a powerful catalyst for positive socialization. Through play, we learn how to work together, follow mutually agreed upon rules, and socialize in groups. We can also use play to break down barriers and improve relationships with others.
Still thinking that you are too busy to play? Given all these benefits, perhaps it is time to decide that you are too busy NOT to play! Your body, mind and emotions need the benefits of play.
Schedule your play activities like any other commitment. It is that important. Perhaps now would be a good time to schedule that much needed vacation. You’ll be better off for having played more!
About the author
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
by Ada Porat | Apr 26, 2023 | Faith, Love, Peace, Self-awareness, Spirituality
Photo credit: Unsplash
Dear one, there is something you need to know. This love letter comes to remind you of what really matters. And it is this: You are not a mistake. You are eternally, irrevocably loved.
Yes, you are dearly, utterly loved. You are deeply loved by good people in this world. Most of all, you are loved by the infinite Creator whose love is without beginning and without end.
You are worthy of being loved because of who you are. There is nobody else just like you, and every outrageous detail of your existence is a treasure that is yours to savor and to share.
You come from Love, you are love and therefore you can choose love.
On the days when you want to hide from the world and bury yourself in misery and self-pity, remember this: you are not broken. You may be discouraged, wounded, overwhelmed or afraid, but you are not broken.
Within you, your eternal soul burns bright as ever, and as you peel away the surrounding layers that you built for protection, that inner flame will light your path once more. It will burn through every obstacle on your way, for that is your purpose and your destiny in this life: to let your light shine!
You were not created to play small or to argue for your limitations. You were not born to be broken. Your life offers so much more!
Yes, you are not a mistake. You were given life by Divine decree, and you embarked on this journey with courage that left the angels in awe. You freely chose this wild, tumultuous journey to experience, and learn, and grow. You came here to embody the Presence of the Divine Source in a world shrouded in spiritual slumber.
And these things you can do at any time: you do not need a million dollars in the bank before you learn to lean into the stillness within; you do not have to attain any social status before learning to discern the voice of Spirit within; you do not need to strive for popularity to validate your soul’s worth. Your worth is intrinsic, eternal and unchangeable.
Perhaps you feel a bit dull and tarnished right now, like a diamond that had been dropped in mud. And yet, when the external dirt is washed away, your intrinsic beauty continues to radiate.
Your light is shining through all the layers that obscure it, so open your heart and hands. Let the light within you expand in ever bigger circles to hold this entire world in its embrace. Let your love reach out to embrace all the forms of life around you: two-leggeds and four-leggeds, feathered and scaled ones; all of nature. It is by embracing the beauty of what already is, that your love will call forth the highest good in yourself and others.
You are magnificent and powerful; a co-creator endowed with the privilege of being the Creator’s hands and feet and voice in this world. This is your purpose and your calling.
Life is fleeting and fragile and sometimes utterly awful. At times such as these, the light within you is needed more than ever.
Never let the shadows around you discourage you. Instead, let your light shine so brightly that it dispels the shadows and illumines your path.
You came into this life to realize the Presence of the Creator in you and anchor that in physicality. As you do that, the Creator Presence radiates into the world around you to heal, transform and renew. That power is in you right now, right here!
You alone must discover the full potential of what is possible in this life. You already have the power of becoming within you, for you have the power of choice.
And as you nestle into the Presence of Spirit’s peace at the end of each day, may you feel the pleasure of the Creator resting on you, and the loving embrace of your heavenly support team.
You are never alone. You are Divinely loved and supported, now and always!
About The Author:
©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit https://adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.
