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As we continue to evolve, many of us struggle with a sense of not quite fitting in with our traditional community or tribe: we may have expanded or changed beyond the borders of its tribal norms, and no longer find the same sense of belonging there. Other members may have tightened the tribal rules to foster a sense of security. As a result, we may feel a sense of disconnection or alienation.

In truth, each one of us belongs to many tribes simultaneously: there is your original tribe – the family you were born into - and then there are all the communities of choice you have joined: your work tribe, your social circles, your faith-based community, your neighborhood, and more. These communities are not static; they are in continuous flux because they consist of individuals who are in continuous states of change. When there is a lot of change happening either in the individual or in the community, a sense of dissonance results.

How are we to deal with this? First, it is important to recognize that tribal allegiances were historically forged for survival. They were adapted over the course of centuries to ensure the safety and survival of the group. Individuation was sacrificed for the trade-off of security as a member of the group. In other words, tribal survival was based on keeping every member in line with tribal rules and norms.

In modern society, the tables are flipped. Whether we enjoy it or not, change is essential for survival at every level of being. The pace of change is driven by technological advances that occur with increasing rapidity: sociologists estimate that more change has taken place in society over the course of the past 100 years, than in the totality of the previous 6,000 years! Individual adaptation is a requirement for survival, and the pace of individual change does not always match the pace at which our various tribal communities evolve. The resulting dissonance can cause intense friction and pain.

Dissonance also results from confusion between the concepts of ‘connectivity’ and ‘community.’ We tend to equate one with the other, when they really relate to different qualities. Connectivity relates to inanimate technology that offers us the infrastructure to build community, but which does not represent the quality of that community. Connectivity simply offers the opportunity to connect with others through the internet, texting, tweeting, or any other social networking options available.

Community is the result of building enduring relationships through meaningful interaction over time. There is no shortcut to community; it is a process that develops when bonds of trust and intimacy are nurtured and honored.

And here lies the caveat. When we confuse connectivity with community, we depersonalize the sacred nature of true community and start relating to people as objects instead. Instead of developing intimacy and respect over time, we may focus on collecting contacts on social network sites, mistakenly equating larger numbers with more community. Yet friending a contact is not the same a nurturing a friendship; it does not create intimacy.

In fact, social experiments indicate that technologically dominated connectivity tends to result in alienation and social collapse over time. In a groundbreaking social experiment conducted by Josh Harris, one of the founders of social networking on the internet, he found that the more people’s personal lives were exposed by 24/7 technology, the more their sense of intimacy and relationship deteriorated until the community collapsed in violence and self-destructive behavior. Harris’ chilling findings are documented in the 2009 movie, We Live In Public.

Perhaps it is time to revisit our concept of community in order to create tribes that offer a true sense of intimacy and belonging.

In his 1987 book, The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace,  psychologist M. Scott Peck described several core characteristics of true community. Beyond the obvious components of inclusivity, commitment and participatory consensus, Peck pointed out the quality of embracing diversity through realism. When each member contributes their unique viewpoint from a place of humility and goodwill, the community benefits from a broader perspective in which to better grasp the full context of a situation. In other words, mutual tolerance helps members to embrace one another’s different viewpoints as an integral part of the whole, instead of imposing a forced compliance to groupthink or cohesion.

In an environment like this, members experience and express compassion and respect for one another. They allow others to share their vulnerability, to learn and grow, and to express who they truly are. When conflict arises, they learn to resolve it with wisdom and grace. Members listen to and respect each others' gifts, accept each others' limitations, celebrate their differences, and commit to find solutions together rather than to fight against each other. Indeed, the true spirit of community is the spirit of peace, love, wisdom and power. The source of this spirit may be seen as an outgrowth of the collective self or as the manifestation of a Higher Will.

Does this description of community sound spiritual to you? It is indeed, because Spirit is the common denominator among all of us, regardless of how separate we feel from others.

As human beings, we often experience a socio-economic sense of separation from others because of different opinions, beliefs, expectations, language, culture, or interests, since each one of us expresses these in a way uniquely different from anyone else. And we continue to differentiate! We are always evolving or devolving in response to life. The tribal community that felt like a good fit last year may no longer work for us; the places where we felt embraced, now may suffocate us. Over the course of a lifetime, we can expect to outgrow and change allegiances to many of the tribal communities we once belonged to.

How can we maintain relationships in such a changing world? We need to find the common denominator between us and others. When we transcend the layers of physical appearance, mental beliefs and socio-economic conditioning, we discover the presence of Divinity as a common denominator in everyone around us. Perhaps it is time to expand our tribal definitions to embrace a spiritual community that includes all of mankind as children of God.

Mother Teresa admonished her nuns to see Jesus in every leper they encountered, to find His presence as they looked into the eyes of the homeless. When we can look past the issues that divide us to find omnipresent Divinity in each other, we will find the foundations of true community there.

This type of spiritual community transcends all socio-economic borders, beliefs and backgrounds. It is inclusive because it operates on voluntary self-responsibility and mutual compassion, and its doors are open to everyone.

Building this type of community takes time: time to listen, to hear, to respond and to participate. As we approach the ending of one year and the start of another, resolve to make time in your life to a sense of true community with the people that matter to you. You are one of the architects of community in your life, and you can participate in building a tribe where you truly belong.

©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit www.adaporat.com  This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.

Would you like to see more love blossoming in your life? If you're like most people, the answer is a resounding "yes."

We all can use more love and less complaining, more joy and fewer problems, right?

Valentine's Day offers you a perfect opportunity to attract more love into your life by giving thanks for the love you already have.

You see, the simple attitude of gratitude is one of the most powerful quantum energies for manifestation. Energy flows to whatever you focus on and makes it grow.

How much time do you spend in genuine gratitude? In any given day, we tend to notice the things that don't work, that derail or rub us the wrong way. How uplifting is that?!

In our relationships, we are prone to notice what doesn't work, and we ignore the brilliant parts that DO. This Valentine's Day, why not resolve to turn that habit around?

Expressing genuine appreciation for what you have and enjoy each day will make it grow. If you want more love in your life, then, you can make it grow by expressing gratitude for the blessings you already have.

You can give the world no greater gift than to focus on gratitude and make love blossom in your relationships through your genuine appreciation.

Just think of all the things each day that you are grateful for: the smell of coffee to get you going in the morning, a warm shower, sunshine in your face, tantalizing flavors, the ability to breathe, walk and talk, unsolicited appreciation for your efforts? There is so much in life to be grateful for!

Expressing true gratitude is not schmaltzy or superficial. It involves genuinely heartfelt, eyeball-to-eyeball or heart-to-heart connection. In other words, gratitude involves appreciation that is delivered with real meaning rather than some perfunctory mumblings or syrupy platitudes.

Once you start noticing the beauty of life around you, gratitude and love grows. Right now, take a few moments and consider all the relationships you are grateful for.

Reflect on the qualities you appreciate in each of your relatives and friends: the smile on a child's face, the hug of a loved one, the spontaneous playfulness of friend.

Do you appreciate these things? Then express gratitude for the qualities you see and their presence will grow in your life!

I encourage you to go a step beyond that even: write a note of gratitude to the people who have touched your life. Express to them what you love about them and how it makes you feel.

You may have just found the spark to let love blossom in your life year round!

©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit www.adaporat.com
This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.

I have been reading a biography of Mother Teresa compiled from her writings, and her unsparing introspection and self-honesty deeply touched my soul.  

Despite her deep devotion, she acknowledged the doubts and weakness of her human nature – not as an excuse, but in order to surrender all ego identification and to continuously move deeper into her true identity as Spirit.  

Her ruthless introspection served as a catalyst to identify with Spirit within her more and more. As a result, her true nature – Love – became ever more radiant.

At this time when many feel overwhelmed by world events, it is more important than ever for us to take time for honest self-reflection. Even when complexity proliferates in the world around us, we can find comfort and transformation by re-connecting to the transcendent timelessness of Spirit within.

Our connection to things of eternal value brings peace, renews hope and refreshes our souls.  And among these, the most powerful is love.  

Love is innate to our spiritual identity because it is an intrinsic part of our Divine Source.

There is only one road to peace, and that is through love.  There is only one way to know our Source, and that is through love.  Where there is love, fear cannot exist.  Fear only arises in the absence of love.

There is only one way to raise our level of consciousness and fully express our true nature as spiritual beings, and that is through love.  There is only one pathway to stabilize us amid the sweeping currents of hatred and change that sweep the planet, and that is through love.

After all is said and done, only love remains. Love is what you and I are, it is not what we do.  

As we surrender to the presence of Divine Love in us, it becomes a transformative power in our lives. With time, aligning with this Love permeates every thought and action so that everything we say, do or touch, is transformed by that Presence. When we operate from Love, we are living from our authentic nature as Infinite Consciousness expressed in human form.  

Love has a way of softening the impact of life’s blows.  When it becomes the focus of all our choices and interactions, we are able to remain at peace, no matter what happens around us.

Love is also an action verb; it is not just who we are.  Love chooses the high road by becoming less identified with ego, so that the identification with our Source can shine through us.  In order for Spirit to work through us and heal our world, we need to consciously choose to become less, so that Spirit can become more in us.  

Love is why we came here.  It is the reason for our existence.  We intuitively know that God, our Source, is Love – yet we are quick to find and obsess about the anger, hatred, lack and fear in the world around us.  The things around us really serve as a reminder to focus on Love, the true nature of our Source.  

Everything in the created world exists as a reminder of either the presence of Love or the opportunity for Love – nothing else.  So let’s focus on seeing Love everywhere and in everything.  As we focus on seeing that call and that presence of Love in everything, it will transform, heal and renew us.

Indeed, every experience in life is simply a cry for love or a call to Love; and when we respond to it appropriately, it will bring us into a state of love and unity within ourselves and each other.

When you see someone acting out in pettiness or anger, look deeper to that heart’s cry for Love, and answer it with Love.

When feeling misunderstood and judged, let the other’s apparent myopia move you to compassion and love.

When voices of doom and gloom strike fear in you, focus on the Infinite nature of your Source and let Love dispel all thought of fear and lack.

When you feel discouraged or down, thinking that nobody could possibly understand what you are going through, return to your Source and let Love lift you.

When you’re angry or want revenge, remember that it is a call for love from your soul and return to Love to make you whole.

Wherever you are experiencing suffering and lack, find the deeper call for Love in that situation, and respond to the call for Love.  As you do so, you bring the loving light of God into the darkness to heal and transform it.

At this time of unprecedented opportunity, may we see everything through the eyes of Love and respond to the challenge.  May we remember that we came to this earth to learn how to become instruments of Divine Love!

©Copyright Ada Porat.
This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. To sign up for Ada's inspirational monthly newsletter, visit www.AdaPorat.com

More Choices Than You Can Shake A Stick At
by Ada Porat

When faced with decisions, we often find ourselves at a point between seemingly polar opposites: feeling a need to choose between polar opposites of black or white, right or wrong, good or bad. In our desire to make the “right “ choice, we get so caught up in weighing up the extremes that we never notice all the other options in between.

By allowing our focus to expand from the issue at hand to take in the bigger view, we may discover many more options out there. It is often easy to spot the clear-cut ‘yes’ or ‘no’ - yet there are also many other options in between! Instead of limiting ourselves to the obvious, we could expand our scope to include options that will help us move forward with confidence and joy.

In making decisions, we are best served when we consider the bigger picture first. In this way, we can become aware of other aspects that may not be evident when focusing too closely on the issue. Some questions to consider in choosing the most appropriate course of action, include:

Will this choice make me feel more alive?

When we choose the course of action that makes us feel alive, it nurtures our soul – and that leads to growth, joy and fulfillment at all levels.

Does this choice reflect my inner values?

Every choice that reflects our inner values, steers us in small steps to more effectively align with our life purpose. Over the course of time, these imperceptibly small moves can bring about wonderful results. When we don’t honor our inner values in decision-making, the sum total of such choices can result in us feeling lost and detached from life’s meaning.

Will this choice allow me to move forward without causing direct harm or pain to another?

Some choices in life are not easy – there may be a lot of grey options, and not many clear rights or wrongs.

Our responsibility is always to make the highest choice we are capable of.

That means nobody should compromise their own growth out of fear about what others may say or do. When we hold back our own growth because we are afraid of how it may affect our relationships, everyone loses.

When someone takes responsibility for their own growth, everyone is enriched by that choice.


©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit www.adaporat.com
This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.

The Love You Desire: A Self-Quiz

By Ada Porat

Are you getting the love you desire in the way you need to feel loved?  Here is a  quick self-quiz to find out.  Give it to your partner to complete as well - it can provide you with a base for starting to define your unique love equations and take your relationship to the next level!

Self-Quiz Directions

If you have a love mate or partner, circle the number that best describes your relationship.  If you don’t currently have a love mate or partner, circle the quality of love you expect with the love mate or partner of your dreams.

 1.      I feel a bond of unity with my love mate:

         1     2     3    4     5     6     7     8     9     10
         Not at all        Somewhat          Completely

2.       I am treated with consistent kindness and honesty by my love mate:

         1     2     3    4     5     6     7     8     9     10
         Not at all         Somewhat         Completely

 3.     My love mate cherishes my dreams:
         1     2     3    4     5     6     7     8     9     10
         Not at all        Somewhat          Completely

4.      I experience genuine equality with my love mate in all aspects of our relationship:

        1     2     3    4     5     6     7     8     9     10
         Not at all        Somewhat       Completely

5.       My love mate listens to my heart:

          1     2     3    4     5     6     7     8     9     10
          Not at all         Somewhat        Completely

6.       I experience perpetual intimacy with my love mate:

         1     2     3    4     5     6     7     8     9     10
          Not at all         Somewhat        Completely

7.       My love mate honors and empowers me rather than dominating me:

          1     2     3    4     5     6     7     8     9     10
          Not at all        Somewhat       Completely

8.      My love mate honors & supports self-empowerment  rather than self-diminishing or -sacrifice:

         1     2     3    4     5     6     7     8     9     10
          Not at all         Somewhat       Completely

9.      I love myself perfectly:

        1     2     3    4     5     6     7     8     9     10
         Not at all         Somewhat        Completely

10.    I love from my spiritual core:

         1     2     3    4     5     6     7     8     9     10
          Not at all         Somewhat       Completely

Total Score: ___ divided by 10 = ___

Self-Rating:

1-2      Love vacuum: Time for radical revision or new possibilities.

3-4      Minimal love: Time to set higher standards.

5-6      Survivable love:  Is this acceptable to you for the rest of your life?   

7-8      Decent love: But why not go for the gold?  What would move your love to a 10?

9-10   Perfect love:  Rejoice!  You have mastered the area of love!

Acknowledgement: This quiz is based with gratitude on the work of Scott & Shannon Peck.   

©Copyright  Ada Porat.

This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. Further information about Ada Porat and her integrative approach to body-mind-spirit healing may be found at http://www.adaporat.com or by dialing US 602-283-4628 (MST).

Attracting More Love In Life

by Ada Porat

Through the centuries, Valentine’s Day has been celebrated as the day for love and we mark it with flowers, gestures of appreciation and gifts wrapped in red to symbolize passion.  It is a day celebrating relationships, whether you are single or committed.

Stephen Levine, the coauthor of Embracing the Beloved, suggests that we “use relationships as a means for profound inner growth.”  How true – our friends, families and partners offer us incredible opportunities to elevate our spiritual and emotional lives.

At times, these interactions can confuse, frustrated, and even hurt us, but when we acknowledge their importance and make a commitment to enhance them, we receive rich rewards.

In celebration of Valentine’s Day, I’d like to share a ritual with you that you can use to enrich your relationships with those who matter to you - whether you are single, committed or married - by helping you gain insight into your own needs and expectations.  Sharing this ritual with someone can also be a way to strengthen the bond between you.

When you get a few quiet moments, I invite you to take a look at yourself from this perspective in order to enrich your life with more love in every way.

Step 1:  Explore Within

The first step in this ritual involves exploring your own heart and mind to find out what you have to offer.  What are the qualities you have to offer your partner, your friends, or in relationships? What are the qualities that you have that makes being with you fun and rewarding for others? What are the unique gifts within that you long to share with others? Make a list of the things you have to offer others – whether they be your co-workers, your friends, your family or your partner. 

Step 2: Make Your Wish List

Take a few moments now to reflect on what it is that you look for or want in relationships to feel fulfilled.  Do you desire companionship, acceptance, respect, caring or fun?  Perhaps it is important for you to have people in your life who are committed to the same goals and values.  Perhaps you really wish for one specific individual who can play with or coach you.  Simply list all the qualities in relationships that are important to you in your life right now, and that you wish to attract more of.  Perhaps you wish for someone to join you on a new adventure or you have a desire to be able to share freely from the heart.  Or perhaps you would love to explore new places, see a certain movie, learn a new skill, go to a concert, learn to play an instrument or take up a new hobby.

Step 3:  Pick A Few Items To Focus On 

Select a few items on from your wish list in Step 2 that will really make you happy, and MAKE PLANS TO DO THAT FOR YOURSELF!  When you start treating yourself the way you wish for others to treat you, magic happens.  Go to that movie you’ve been wanting to see; sign up for the class you’ve been wanting to do; buy yourself that CD that you’ve been dreaming about… because you are the person that knows best how to make yourself happy and you’re worth it! 

Step 4:  Learn To Appreciate Your Virtues

As you start taking action to living a rich and rewarding life, something exciting happens. When you start meeting the very qualities that you listed on your wish list in Step 2, you start becoming whole.  You start seeing yourself as a lovable, interesting, deserving and fascinating individual.  By honoring, nurturing and developing yourself, you develop an aura that radiates your sense of vitality.  This joyful energy starts drawing others to you – not because of need, but because of the inner beauty that you radiate!

Step 5:  Welcome Others Into Your Life

When you engage in your own life fully, your partner and loved ones will notice the change in you because you will be operating from a place of fullness instead of running on empty.  This is a fabulous gift you have to offer others – coming from that place of self-fulfillment and joy, instead of from a place of inner neediness.  Investing in and treating yourself as you would your very best friend, pay off wonderful dividends.  It raises your vibrational frequency from that of a lonely, needy person to that of an interesting, self-actualizing individual.  This higher vibration sets up an attractor field that will attract like vibrations, and you will find others attracted to you magnetically.  With new people drawn into your life, you will have your pick of friends with whom you can continue the journey of discovery and growth!

©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit www.adaporat.com

This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.

Mastering the Secret Language of Love: Love Equations

By Ada Porat

What is it that attracts us to certain individuals, while we find others unappealing?

In some circles, this force of attraction has been attributed to fate, destiny or even karma.  Beyond the romantic dream of soul mates, there is a very real scientific cause at work here: the secret language of love that is hard-wired into your physicality. 

Each one of us consists of 6,000 miles of neurons wired through the body. These neurons affect every area of our lives, including our complex behaviors in love - a process that is totally subjective and illogical.

If you’ve ever fallen in love, you know that it sometimes has nothing to do with whether the person is “right” for you or not. Why does this happen? This happens simply because what we describe in our society as “falling in love” is the formation of a subjective neural pathway inside our brains.

What does it mean? It simply means that in response to previous emotional experiences, your brain has become wired to interpret love in a very particular way. And this way is shaped by what you have interpreted love to be in the past.

Each of us has a unique love formula or equation:  this equation contains all the behaviors, emotions and expressions that you interpret as love. Together, they comprise your secret language of love which operates largely on a subconscious level. 

One aspect of your love equation contains a specific set of criteria that must be present in order for you to fall in love. This aspect explains why some of us are inexplicably drawn to individuals with dark hair, blue eyes or some other physical characteristic.  When we find ourselves attracted to another, the brain chemistry starts generating the appropriate endorphins and we “fall in love.”  

Another aspect of your love equation contains the set of criteria that must be present in order for you to feel loved. This aspect operates for the duration of the relationship: if the relationship is to have any chance of surviving the initial phase, it is imperative for us to learn more about what we need from one another in order to feel loved.  This is what I refer to as your secret love equation, because it happens at a subconscious level.

Your secret love equation is based on the concept of reward.  If you were rewarded with acknowledgement for certain behavior such as compliance when you were growing up, you learned to interpret that acknowledgement as love. You are likely to repeat some version of that behavior with a partner in the hope of getting a similar reward.  Hence, the compliant child becomes a submissive partner and expects to be rewarded for that behavior with acknowledgement that is interpreted as love.

And that’s where the rub lies!  Despite research conducted with thousands of people and their love equations, there are no two partners who have identical love equations for feeling loved.

Love equations are completely subjective.  Therefore, the way you express love could be very different from the way your partner interprets love.

When one partner expresses to the other, “I don’t feel loved by you,” the other may respond by listing many things they do to demonstrate their love. However, for the partner who is feeling unloved, none of the actions listed may equate to love in their mind, because these actions are not wired into their secret language of love. It is entirely possible for one partner in a relationship to feel they are being extremely loving, while the other partner is actually feeling completely unloved!

In general terms, men find it easier to express their love by doing things for their partner.  Women, on the other hand, may disregard these actions as expressions of love because they are looking for some romantic verbal expression of love apart from the daily routine.

And the plot thickens: While the basis for your unique love equation is based on emotional experiences from your past, your beliefs about what happens after you fall in love can change dramatically as a result of a major emotional upheaval.  

In the traditional (mythical) love equation cherished by our culture, you meet the person of your dreams, fall in love, get married and live happily ever after.  Most of us start out with a love equation similar to this… until the first experience of infidelity or a breakup! 

After suffering a broken heart and broken dreams, your love equation may change to meeting the partner of your dreams, falling in love, getting married, suffering infidelity and living in the pain of that experience forever. For such a person, even the thought of meeting a partner and falling in love, now equates to pain.

Every time that person mentally replays the negative emotional experience, they are actually strengthening the new, disempowering love equation by firing off a synaptic response in the brain that makes this new equation real for them.

How do we master the secret language of love in ourselves and in our partners?   We do so through honesty and commitment.  We need to honestly look at our areas of wounding and pain, and express it to our partners along with what we need to feel loved.  We also need to consciously commit never to hurt our partners intentionally in their areas of woundedness and to express our love for them in the language they need to receive it – even when their love equation is different from ours!

Developing a loving relationship requires mutual commitment to honor and respect our own truth and our partner’s truth without compromise.   When we are not honest with our love and our pain, our wounds and our fears, we compromise our truth.  Over time, the compromises made by not facing up to truth, breed resentment that will eventually destroy all intimacy and push our partners away.

When two souls are drawn together, it happens because there is a resonance in their resonant energy fields.  These fields draw people together because of their common energies. 

Such relationships offer us great opportunity for healing because we are drawn to others by that which resonates for both of us.  The matching fields offer a powerful opportunity for healing and evolution of both beings to a higher consciousness, provided a mutual commitment is made to learn each other’s secret language of love, heal each other’s wounds and to evolve as fully conscious, loving beings. 

Embarking on this exciting journey of discovery and growth can start with a simple commitment to your partner to provide the space for your mutual growth and healing.  How about taking the initiative and expressing your intentions to your partner, setting the stage for both to evolve?

You can start with a simple expression along these lines:  “I love you and I want us to be together for a very long time.  Because I don’t want us to live with any illusions, I want you to know that I will never consciously or maliciously hurt you, although you might feel hurt at times.  I don’t know where your wounds are, and so I need for you to be truthful with me so I can learn how not to hurt you.  When you let me know where your wounds are, I commit to help you heal.  When you tell me what you need from me to feel loved, I commit to express my love for you in your secret language of love so it will be meaningful to you.”

©Copyright Ada Porat.

This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. Further information about Ada Porat and her integrative approach to body-mind-spirit healing may be found at http://www.adaporat.com or by dialing US 602-283-4628 (MST).