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A lot of success coaches and motivational speakers tell you to THINK BIG. They tell you to create a big vision in order to succeed. And I agree - having a big vision is necessary to accomplish big things.

At the same time, even big things are compiled of multiple smaller components - and so I find myself coaching clients to think small instead.

Whenever you are in a tight spot in life, it is especially important to focus on the goodness of life at the present moment. The past is over and the future is not here yet. This is the perfect time to appreciate what you do have now instead of focusing on fear or lack.

Being laid off is a case in point. If you are out of work and have been for some time, it may be difficult to think about the perfect job or the ultimate contribution you want to make in the world. At this stage of the game, you may just want a paying job... it’s time to think small.

This bleak season will pass. Make the most of it by finding ways in which you can make a difference. Spend more time with loved ones, help the children with homework, plant some flowers. You can teach yourself a new skill or take a local adult education class. Join a Meet Up group. Being unemployed may feel like a permanent condition. The fact is, it is a season that will surely pass. You are not going to be out of work forever, so take advantage of the time you have now!

Whenever a project feels huge, it’s time to think small. If the size or complexity of a project overwhelms you, focus on just the next few itty bitty steps. Locate the phone numbers you need to call... schedule the time to make the call. Outline the chapters of the book you want to write...commit to writing just one chapter a month. Unclutter one drawer rather than thinking about uncluttering the whole house. Baby steps will get you there.

Even in business, there’s a place and time for thinking small. When thinking big, we often complicate things with too many ideas… and we overwhelm ourselves.

No matter where you are in life, there is always something you can do. If you cannot tackle big things now, don’t dither in indecision - start with something small! Here are a few pointers to help you take a step forward:

1.  Pick just one or two things to focus on each day. I find that most clients are trying to do too much in too little time. As a result, few things get completed. If you commit to one or two things daily, you’ll get more done and feel less stressed.

2.  Revel in little things. Go out and literally smell the roses. Slow down and appreciate your surroundings. Taste your food instead of inhaling it. Have meaningful conversation instead of passing interactions.

3.  Scale down. Get rid of physical clutter as well as mental clutter. Review your obligations and decide if they still serve you. Do you need to withdraw from some? Clear your mind by doing a brain dump: put your ideas, to-dos and tolerances (those things you are tolerating) down on paper. Prioritize what you will do and what you won’t, and tackle them one at a time.

4.  Focus on being great at what you do, rather than being the biggest or best. If you shift your focus to being great, you’ll begin to do things from a place of excellence instead of overwhelm.

5.  Allow extra time for everything you do. If writing a letter will take ten minutes, allow yourself twenty.  That way, you build buffer time into your day to cope with unexpected events. If you finish in less time than that... go watch the clouds!

©Copyright Ada Porat.
This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. To sign up for Ada's inspirational monthly newsletter, visit www.AdaPorat.com.

Are we witnessing the end of the world approaching? What will happen next? Will we make it through 2012?

I believe that we are seeing the end of an era dominated by self-serving, egocentric living; an era that was mired in the duality of haves and have-nots. I also believe that in the perfect circle of life, new cycles are birthed from the ashes of the old, and we are currently right inside that wrinkle in time where two realities overlap: the dying former reality and the birth of a new era.

Things are changing so fast that many feel stuck, lost and afraid. But are you really?

Take a moment to really feel what is going on. You are not stuck… you are simply constrained. Yes, the old way of doing things no longer works, and you are trying to adjust to radical new ways of viewing life, doing things, and living.

Outside yourself, the whole world is going through a spin cycle. At the macroscopic level, systems and structures that formed an integral part of the old, dualistic Newtonian paradigm are crumbling. They are unable to hold the energy of higher consciousness that is sweeping the planet. On a microscopic level also, obsolete ways of being are falling away, affecting every individual.

None of us are exempt: relationships, employment, institutions and other external forms of security are subject to the scrutiny of a higher awareness that is emerging as individuals awaken from the grand illusion we have believed to be real.

The choice is no longer if we’ll let go of the old ways; it is simply how you will let go. Will you gently release the dense relationships with people, power and money that no longer serve your soul’s evolution so you can make space for a higher reality? Or will you fight to the bitter end, trying to hold on to some semblance of control until things are torn from your life with deep claw marks – your claw marks – all over them?

Resistance brings pain and suffering. Great spiritual teachers like Jesus and the Buddha taught their followers not to resist, but to surrender to the Higher law at work beyond the visible realm.

The truth is that, throughout this time of constraint and upheaval, there are unseen forces holding you steady while you learn to run this new kind of energy… the energy of Oneness with Divine purpose. It is your Divine connection, hosted in a human shell. Long ago, before you ever came into this life, you chose to embody this energy at this time. It is your contribution to the shift of the ages, and now is your time to fulfill that agreement.

The energy of Divine oneness or unity is the most powerful force in the Universe. It is powerful enough to constrain you when you try to separate from Divine guidance at your core and assert your human will.

In the old way of life, we accomplished goals by imposing our human, egoic wills onto external reality. We were conditioned to be willful and determined, wanting whatever we chose to have when we decided to have it.

This way no longer works. When we assert our human, egoic will in the new energy that surrounds us now, there are numerous obstacles constraining us.

To move past these constraints, we have to give up the drive to accomplish things by sheer force of will. Instead, we need to align with the power of All That Is. We need to surrender to trust: trust in the Divine, in Higher Guidance, in Spirit, God… whatever you choose to call the essential Life Force Energy.

When we choose to trust, the ego yields so we align to a Bigger Plan - the Higher picture of Divine perfection. From there, we are able to flow and co-create a higher reality than we could have ever conceived of before.

It is no longer possible to more forward in ego and still make spiritual progress. The constraining force of Spirit will block your movement at every turn - the old ways of doing need to be surrendered to embrace higher ways of being.

Spirit will get you through this time of transition, no matter how difficult it feels.

Those same unseen forces that hold you steady now, can and will lift you out of all the illusion of despair. All it takes is for you to let go of all attachment to the old forms of power, and to embrace the path of alignment, the way of trusting and allowing.

We are living in a very different reality now than even five years ago. The old life with its hopes and dreams is filed away in the archives of All That Is. To keep looking for it, merely deters our progress.

Instead, you need to learn how to commune with your soul to access the inner guidance that is stirring there. Every change that you wish to see in society starts with you and the field of consciousness that you are holding.

Now is the time to embrace what shows up in your life moment by moment.

Look for new ways to reframe things, new tools to do things with.

Go inward.

Drink deep from the wellspring of life.

Let the timeless wisdom and healing energy of sacred teaching wash over you to renew your soul.

Develop a dialogue with Spirit and ask for guidance and clarity.

Stay present in the moment and allow the answers to flow to you through circumstances.

When action is indicated, do it. When circumstances open up for you, move forward. And when doors close, don’t try to break through them. Sometimes, we need to spend a while living in the in-between: learning to let go of the need to control, the need to logically understand.

At times like these, we need to ask ourselves what we really want and why…even as we surrender the need to know how it will come about. We need to simply align to the Eternal Presence and be present, patient, and still.

 

As you consciously evolve in response to the Divine nature within you, you will embody the higher energies of the life force field wherein everyone’s consciousness can evolve.

From the Source of Truth at the microscopic core of you being, the energies of a new and higher way of being will ripple out to touch, change and heal the realities of life on a macroscopic level. In a world crying for hope and healing, there is no greater service you can offer!

©Copyright Ada Porat.
This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. To sign up for Ada's inspirational monthly newsletter, visit www.AdaPorat.com

Have you ever received guidance from someone else about what is going to happen in your life and then it didn’t pan out? Perhaps you were guided to write a book or start a web site and then everything stalled. Did it leave you wondering what really happened there?
 
If you are like most people, you may have started doubting your guidance and wondered if your lucky break will ever come. When the answers to your prayers arrived, you may even have dismissed them because they didn’t fit your expectations.

I would like to present you with another point of view: whatever shows up in your life, IS your answer. If you have prayed, planned and performed, yet nothing seems to come together, the evidence presents you with your answer… even if that is not what you want to hear. The answer to your prayer lies in what is happening in your life now, not in the fantasy of what anybody may tell you is coming.
 
Dreams and “guidance” that are not based on truth, can act like viruses of the mind. They will infect you with wishful fantasies and false expectations, blinding you to the truth of what is really happening in your life. These fantasies and dreams, while alluring, can get you so caught up in illusion that you miss the real answers that show up in your life.

True guidance may come in many ways, but it will never create a separation between where you are and where you are going. In other words, true guidance is always congruent with your path and purpose. There will be a natural flow of synchronicity between where you are at and the guidance you are receiving. True guidance will resonate with your heart’s deep knowing. It may also bring up unfinished emotional business that you need to clear in order to make space for the desired outcome.

True guidance flows with congruence; false guidance deceives. If there is no congruency between the guidance you received and what shows up in your life, it should raise a red flag. As captain of your soul, your job is to discern between true guidance and deception; between guidance that stirs your soul and static that strokes your ego. True guidance will not stroke your ego or feed its expectations; it will always challenge you to fulfill your highest potential.

When someone does not discern between true guidance and illusion, they will start using illusion as a defense against reality. They’ll get trapped in the world of dreams, fantasies and expectations. You have probably encountered some of these unfortunate souls: the ones who have taken every workshop and mastered every modality, holding themselves up as some advanced guru, while in reality they are leeching off the kindness of parents, family and friends because they are so self-deceived. Or perhaps you know some individuals who have lost their way to the illusion of some woo-woo philosophy that promised them an easy life with lots of love and riches, and they cannot come to grips with the reality of what shows up in their lives.

The Buddha taught that reality is your friend. Dialogue with reality and you will come to terms with what is, rather than the illusions of what your ego self craves, wishes for or desires. Another common example of the delusional nature of false guidance often occurs in relationships. Have you ever dated someone because of what you dreamt and hoped for them to become, instead of who they are in the moment? Recognize the red flag of delusion and drop it, or you’ll set yourself up for endless disappointment and hurt!

To stay connected to truth, it is important to look at what shows up in your life and work daily, because change happens continuously. You are in this dense energy for a reason: to grow. There is learning to master, relationships to experience, and growth to embrace. You soul is here for experience, not for security. And you are a co-creator in this process. You are not here to be some transcendent ethereal being who speaks to angels and masters as an escape from the realities of life; you are here to experience life on the earth plane. You are here to impact earth through you conscious participation in this process!

How do you activate your intuition to discern and tune into that process? You pray about things and then use what shows up in your life as a map to align with truth daily. Prayer can truly transform your destiny, and so it is important to discern between prayer that comes from the ego and prayer that emanates from the soul.

Prayer that comes from ego will outline to God what to do and how to solve the problem so your ego needs can be met. Such prayer caters to your ego desires to be loved, comfortable, secure, titillated and catered to. It invokes the interference of ego games, and you will get caught up in attachment and seduction, bargaining with the Universe. When the bottom drops out – as it inevitably will - you need to realign with the truth of your soul instead of the desires of your ego.

Prayer from the soul simply asks for the process to unfold free from agenda; it sees asking and surrendering to the answer as one and the same. It comes from a desire for service and a willingness to surrender. When you have prayed from your soul, you will feel the sense of peace and alignment immediately.

When praying for guidance about something, recognize that true, congruent guidance comes organically and naturally. If you wonder about what you should be doing with your life, ask the question and then watch for answers to show up. If you are looking at something and the doors are not opening, stop wasting your energy on it – the answer is clear. It may not be the right time or direction, so instead of resisting the reality of what is, let it go so you can focus your energy on being open to the guidance that is available to you.

Face the facts and work with what is; it will bring you serenity. If you continue holding out for a miracle, recognize that you are wasting time and energy. If you are meant to be and do something, everything will fall into place to help you accomplish it – you don’t have to doubt or stay in a holding pattern.  Instead of struggling with reality, align with Spirit and surrender the outcome. If things are meant to be, they will unfold and nothing will stop them. If they are not meant to be, your resistance is an ineffective use of energy.

Finally, recognize that Divine timing is not in your control. If you are meant to do something, it will fall into place for you. Stop putting your life on hold for an empty dream; recognize that if reality is not supporting it, it is an illusion. You will have a much more peaceful and serene life if you recognize that you are not in control of timing.  Align with Divine timing instead of trying to force the process.

Accept what shows up, surrender attachment to the outcome, and align with Divine timing. Whatever shows up in your life, is indeed the answer to your prayers!

©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit www.adaporat.com  This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.

"We sometimes feel that what we do
is just a drop in the ocean, but the
ocean would be less because of that
missing drop." -- Mother Teresa

One of the reasons that we get intimidated by the process of living, is that we think our part is not grand enough.

After all, the movers and shakers featured in the media are usually pretty big and powerful. We hear about philanthropists such as Bill Gates who spends millions to find a cure for malaria, or larger-than-life personalities like Oprah who has touched the lives of millions more with her daily show.

When we compare our small beginnings and meager efforts to these icons, we may feel so insignificant that we give up. We cringe as the inner critic whispers, ‘Who are you to think that you can change things out there when you haven’t even mastered your own health, or finances, or relationships?’

We compare our own weaknesses to the strengths of others and when it feels too overwhelming, we give up. And so we forget that we are an integral part of a larger whole; a precious drop in the ocean of life. Yet when we give up on our dreams, the whole world misses out!

We think that we have to be big, powerful or perfect before we can make a difference. And so we disqualify ourselves before we even start.

Here’s an important truth to remember: you do not have to be big, powerful or perfect to make a difference in the world – you simply have to be willing!

When we focus on our limitations, we fail to notice that those individuals who make a difference in the world, do so despite their own weaknesses. Their lives are not perfect; yet they have made a commitment to argue for their potential and not for their liabilities!

And while critics like to point out their limitations, these brave souls make a meaningful contribution to the world because they choose to focus on what they can do despite these limitations. Andrea Bocelli became one of the finest vocalists of our time despite the fact that he is blind. Mother Teresa founded an order that ministers to the sick and dying worldwide despite the fact that she never had a university education. Nelson Mandela became the leader of a nation, guiding millions away from racist politics and toward equality, despite the fact that he had become estranged from his wife after he’d spent 26 years in prison.

These people made – and continue to make – a difference in the world. Their contributions to society are like precious drops of water that raises the level of the ocean for everyone. And they made a difference despite their personal weaknesses, limitations or liabilities!

In this field of consciousness known as the human condition, we are all interconnected. The struggles of others affect us, yet so also are we uplifted by their greatness. Life offers us the opportunity to tap into our greatness and to contribute that drop to the ocean of human consciousness so everyone can be uplifted by it.

Life does not require you to become rich, or perfect, or famous in order to make a difference. It simply requires you to start.

Start with small steps you can take day by day. What is your heart calling you to do? Which one person can you reach out to today? What small step can you take to contribute your drop to the ocean of life?

Recognize the small ways in which you can make a difference. Feel the fear and self-doubt, and then take that step to contribute anyway. 

That’s how greatness is born: knowing that you can make a meaningful difference despite areas of your life that are still in process. Look past your limitations and act from your potential. The world is awaiting your gifts!

©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit www.adaporat.com
This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.

Did the past year deliver what you wanted? Did you attract the outcomes you really desired?

If life did not meet your expectations, perhaps it is time to prime the pump first!  Let me explain.

Most of us are looking for similar things in life: more time, love, joy, and quality of life.  What we sometimes forget, is that we first need to prime the pump in order to get what we want.

On my grandfather’s farm was a creaky old water pump.  Before it would start drawing water from the well, it had to be primed with a cup of water.  As a child, I used to marvel at the mystery of it all – first pouring a cup of water down the pump and then pumping the squeaky lever up and down, up and down… until a small stream of water would start running from the spout.  Once the stream started flowing, one could fill up as many buckets with water as needed, and it all started with the simple act of priming the pump with water first.

That water pump would not yield water unless it was primed with water – the very same substance that I desired from it.  I had to first contribute to the process the same substance that I desired to receive from it. In life it works the same way: we prime the pump of life with that which we contribute, and we attract that which we emanate. 

If we emanate lack, we cannot attract abundance and if we emanate anger, we cannot attract love.  Because like attracts like, we therefore need to first prime the pump by giving of that which we desire.

In the process, the very quality we focus on giving out becomes an integral part of our being. Just as that old water pump on the farm yielded as much water as desired after it was primed, a life that exudes love, abundance and joy, draws to it the same qualities in abundance.  

This New Year, instead of wishing for success, how about priming the pump instead with the very qualities you would like to see more of in your life!

Here are some ideas to get you started.  By practicing even just one of these principles consistently over time, you will find that life returns to you a bountiful measure of the same.

   1. I treat everyone in my life with the love and respect that I would receive from them.
   2. I believe it is more important to be loving than to be right, and I apply this in my life daily.
   3. I look for the beauty in every person and everything that crosses my path.
   4. I practice lovingkindness toward all sentient beings.
   5. I take steps to simplify my life so I can enjoy more with less.
   6. I find time to nurture my body, mind and soul, even if it is only a few minutes each day.
   7. I focus on what is right rather than what is wrong.
   8. I forgive those who have hurt me and let go of old wrongs so there may be peace on earth.
   9. I look for solutions, not for scapegoats.
  10. I find and express gratitude in my life each day.

©Copyright Ada Porat.
This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. To sign up for Ada's inspirational monthly newsletter, visit www.AdaPorat.com

By Ada Porat

On a recent flight, I had an interesting conversation with a fellow passenger. She told me about the difficulties she was facing, having to return to the workplace after many years as a stay-at-home mom. She had been living off the insurance settlement from an accident, but recently had to drain this fund to cover medical expenses and she could no longer make ends meet.

Although she had been well-educated and successful in the workplace earlier in life, she now was at a complete loss about what to do. Should she return to teaching, or apply for a job in a bank, or just take a part-time job in real estate, she wondered. Clearly, she was confused.

I asked her what type of activities made her feel happy and alive.

“Oh, I love being with people, doing creative things, and being a part of the action,” she said.

I asked her if there were any opportunities in her home town where she could work with people doing creative things while earning a living.

“Oh yes,” she said, “There is a wonderful program at the Arts League that offers creative workshops. In fact, I volunteer there two days a week.”

She continued, enthusiastically telling me all about the innovative programs the league offered, and mentioned that they were looking for a new creative arts director.

“Have you applied for the position?’ I asked.

She looked at me with an expression of horror. “Oh no,” she said, “If I do that I’ll have to get up early in the morning – I could never do that any more. It’s too inconvenient!”

Clearly, there was something amiss with the priorities in her life. She felt stuck, yet every option she considered, was quickly dismissed as being too inconvenient, too low-paying, or lacking in some other area. She was victimized by her own confused priorities.

Our conversation left me reflecting on the confusion I so often observe in clients when they are faced with major decisions.

That confusion is rooted in a lack of clear priorities. When our needs, wants and desires all clamor to be met, we are often at a loss about what to do. In the confusion, it is easy give in to the desire for instant gratification and indulgence. Unfortunately, such choices do not bring long-term satisfaction or results.

Clearly, we need some guidelines for the important decisions in our lives.

The most important decisions in your life should be made not by what is convenient, but by what is appropriate. The appropriate decision may be downright inconvenient, yet it could be essential to moving forward. The passenger on the flight had all the skills for the position she described, yet she was not willing to move beyond her comfort zone to get out of her financial dilemma.

Being willing to face inconvenient truths and to take appropriate action, is an important first step. But how do you know what is appropriate for your situation?

The appropriate choice will always be aligned with your core values, not with the endless desires of the ego. It is your core values that drive your behaviors; they determine what you need to do, say or align with to ensure inner harmony. When your choices align with your core values, you will experience inner congruence even in the face of adversity because you are being true to your core.

Decision-making is actually easy when there are no discrepancies in your value system. To make empowering choices, it is necessary to understand your core values. Whenever your choices are not aligned with your core values, you will feel dissatisfied with the outcome in the long run. You will also find it difficult to stand your ground when the going gets tough, because you won’t be prepared to make sacrifices for things you don’t really believe in.

Here are some pointers for appropriate decision-making:

Recognize that every choice has an impact on your life.

Every decision either carries you toward your ultimate life purpose, or acts as a diversion. Ask yourself if your decision is taking you closer to your ultimate goal. If not, it is a distraction, no matter how good it feels or how much you want it! Releasing the distractions in your life will move you closer to your ultimate life purpose.

Discover your core values and honor them.

Your core values drive your behavior. Take time to identify the values that drive your life. Do you strive for honesty at all times, or is it more important for you to have harmonious relationships with others? Are you motivated by your inner truth, or by a sense of accomplishment? Defining your core values is one of the most important exercises you can do. Then, make choices based on your core values; not on shoulds, coulds, woulds, musts or wishes.

Always honor your integrity.

Place your integrity first, your needs second and your wants last. In such a priority system, your choices will honor the spiritual core of your Being. Alignment to your spiritual core acts as a powerful attractor field to draw into your life helpful people, synchronicities and situations. In this way, your needs will always be met! Christ gave his followers that assurance when He said, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you.”

Let your Higher vision clarify your intention.

Before making important decisions, take time to reflect on your ultimate intention. What is your true intention? Would your intended choice cause harm to others? (I am not referring here to upsetting their egos!) Remember that your soul is ultimately interested in your growth, not in maintaining your physical comfort zone. Alignment with Higher vision will give you a sense of inner peace and confidence; not necessarily convenience or comfort.

Get comfortable with change and chaos.

Change is an inescapable part of life, and it can be chaotic. There is no guarantee that making the appropriate choices will bring you instant reward or success. In fact, sometimes the choice to honor your inner truth will ruffle feathers around you! Honoring your truth may not be comfortable for some, because the light of truth tends to expose the dust bunnies of pretense and illusion.

Never mind! Ultimately, making the appropriate choice is its own reward. Living in integrity with your values aligns you with your Inner direction and the Source of your power. When you honor that Guidance in your daily decisions, life really rocks!

©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit www.adaporat.com
This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.

Mastering the Secret Language of Love: Love Equations

By Ada Porat

What is it that attracts us to certain individuals, while we find others unappealing?

In some circles, this force of attraction has been attributed to fate, destiny or even karma.  Beyond the romantic dream of soul mates, there is a very real scientific cause at work here: the secret language of love that is hard-wired into your physicality. 

Each one of us consists of 6,000 miles of neurons wired through the body. These neurons affect every area of our lives, including our complex behaviors in love - a process that is totally subjective and illogical.

If you’ve ever fallen in love, you know that it sometimes has nothing to do with whether the person is “right” for you or not. Why does this happen? This happens simply because what we describe in our society as “falling in love” is the formation of a subjective neural pathway inside our brains.

What does it mean? It simply means that in response to previous emotional experiences, your brain has become wired to interpret love in a very particular way. And this way is shaped by what you have interpreted love to be in the past.

Each of us has a unique love formula or equation:  this equation contains all the behaviors, emotions and expressions that you interpret as love. Together, they comprise your secret language of love which operates largely on a subconscious level. 

One aspect of your love equation contains a specific set of criteria that must be present in order for you to fall in love. This aspect explains why some of us are inexplicably drawn to individuals with dark hair, blue eyes or some other physical characteristic.  When we find ourselves attracted to another, the brain chemistry starts generating the appropriate endorphins and we “fall in love.”  

Another aspect of your love equation contains the set of criteria that must be present in order for you to feel loved. This aspect operates for the duration of the relationship: if the relationship is to have any chance of surviving the initial phase, it is imperative for us to learn more about what we need from one another in order to feel loved.  This is what I refer to as your secret love equation, because it happens at a subconscious level.

Your secret love equation is based on the concept of reward.  If you were rewarded with acknowledgement for certain behavior such as compliance when you were growing up, you learned to interpret that acknowledgement as love. You are likely to repeat some version of that behavior with a partner in the hope of getting a similar reward.  Hence, the compliant child becomes a submissive partner and expects to be rewarded for that behavior with acknowledgement that is interpreted as love.

And that’s where the rub lies!  Despite research conducted with thousands of people and their love equations, there are no two partners who have identical love equations for feeling loved.

Love equations are completely subjective.  Therefore, the way you express love could be very different from the way your partner interprets love.

When one partner expresses to the other, “I don’t feel loved by you,” the other may respond by listing many things they do to demonstrate their love. However, for the partner who is feeling unloved, none of the actions listed may equate to love in their mind, because these actions are not wired into their secret language of love. It is entirely possible for one partner in a relationship to feel they are being extremely loving, while the other partner is actually feeling completely unloved!

In general terms, men find it easier to express their love by doing things for their partner.  Women, on the other hand, may disregard these actions as expressions of love because they are looking for some romantic verbal expression of love apart from the daily routine.

And the plot thickens: While the basis for your unique love equation is based on emotional experiences from your past, your beliefs about what happens after you fall in love can change dramatically as a result of a major emotional upheaval.  

In the traditional (mythical) love equation cherished by our culture, you meet the person of your dreams, fall in love, get married and live happily ever after.  Most of us start out with a love equation similar to this… until the first experience of infidelity or a breakup! 

After suffering a broken heart and broken dreams, your love equation may change to meeting the partner of your dreams, falling in love, getting married, suffering infidelity and living in the pain of that experience forever. For such a person, even the thought of meeting a partner and falling in love, now equates to pain.

Every time that person mentally replays the negative emotional experience, they are actually strengthening the new, disempowering love equation by firing off a synaptic response in the brain that makes this new equation real for them.

How do we master the secret language of love in ourselves and in our partners?   We do so through honesty and commitment.  We need to honestly look at our areas of wounding and pain, and express it to our partners along with what we need to feel loved.  We also need to consciously commit never to hurt our partners intentionally in their areas of woundedness and to express our love for them in the language they need to receive it – even when their love equation is different from ours!

Developing a loving relationship requires mutual commitment to honor and respect our own truth and our partner’s truth without compromise.   When we are not honest with our love and our pain, our wounds and our fears, we compromise our truth.  Over time, the compromises made by not facing up to truth, breed resentment that will eventually destroy all intimacy and push our partners away.

When two souls are drawn together, it happens because there is a resonance in their resonant energy fields.  These fields draw people together because of their common energies. 

Such relationships offer us great opportunity for healing because we are drawn to others by that which resonates for both of us.  The matching fields offer a powerful opportunity for healing and evolution of both beings to a higher consciousness, provided a mutual commitment is made to learn each other’s secret language of love, heal each other’s wounds and to evolve as fully conscious, loving beings. 

Embarking on this exciting journey of discovery and growth can start with a simple commitment to your partner to provide the space for your mutual growth and healing.  How about taking the initiative and expressing your intentions to your partner, setting the stage for both to evolve?

You can start with a simple expression along these lines:  “I love you and I want us to be together for a very long time.  Because I don’t want us to live with any illusions, I want you to know that I will never consciously or maliciously hurt you, although you might feel hurt at times.  I don’t know where your wounds are, and so I need for you to be truthful with me so I can learn how not to hurt you.  When you let me know where your wounds are, I commit to help you heal.  When you tell me what you need from me to feel loved, I commit to express my love for you in your secret language of love so it will be meaningful to you.”

©Copyright Ada Porat.

This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached. Further information about Ada Porat and her integrative approach to body-mind-spirit healing may be found at http://www.adaporat.com or by dialing US 602-283-4628 (MST).