Articles

I often hear people say "He made me angry!" or "I couldn't help getting mad!" These statements put the blame for becoming angry on others or circumstances outside yourself - ultimately disempowering you.

The truth is that you can minimize anger in your life. With a little time and effort, you can convert energy wasted on anger into something more useful.

Anger is the result of frustrated desire. Its developmental cycle is short and swift. First, you may start by having a desire or wish. Nothing wrong with that, but when you add energy to that desire, it develops into a demand. As soon as the demand encounters frustration, you're into anger. Others may tell you to not be so demanding, but that's a lot easier said than done!

To conquer the habitual anger response, it's helpful start observing your thought patterns. Recognize the randomness of thoughts flowing through your mind. In observing the flow of thoughts, recognize that some of them do not originate at the conscious level of thinking at all. They may be habitual thought patterns, snippets you heard on radio or television, or pieces of conversations you had years ago. And yet, these subconscious thoughts can still negatively influence your thinking and responses today.

Every behavior starts off with thought. That thought evokes a corresponding emotion. At that stage, you may "feel" angry, depressed, humiliated or whatever. Pay attention to the process and you will notice how every feeling is preceded by a mental discussion. The internal dialogue may sound like, "How dare she treat me like that? She's got some nerve!" Even when you don’t pay attention to this internal dialogue, you'll experience the resulting emotion. Next, your emotions translate into behavior that's visible to others. You may lash out or attack others verbally.

The anger cycle, then, flows from thoughts to feelings to behavior like concentric circles rippling out from an archery target: originating thoughts at center rippling outward to the next ring of emotion and spilling over into the outer ring of behavior. Of the three stages, behavior is the biggest and most visible aspect!

When you get angry, you actually lose control of your logical, constructive mental resources. Your anger also sends a signal to the adrenal glands to flood the body with stress hormones, and it may take hours to return to equilibrium. Meanwhile, you may have caused others significant pain by your outburst.

To break the cycle of anger, you first need to consciously become aware of your thoughts as they arise. Start noticing which thoughts irritate you or make your anger flare. Over time, train yourself to track back these trigger thoughts until you become aware of their presence as they first arise. Noticing the thoughts before you respond to them is a significant step forward in managing your anger response.

Eventually, you'll reach a stage of awareness where you catch trigger thoughts early enough to consciously choose not to get angry. You'll be able to choose an alternative response to stay in balance and harmony.

When you can catch and respond to thoughts this way, you stay empowered over your emotional responses. Instead of feeling that people or circumstances press your buttons or make you angry, you'll be free to choose a response. One choice is not to get angry. If you get angry, it will be because you choose to be.

Over time, this growth in self-awareness will restore the power over your thoughts, emotions and behavior to the rightful custodian - you. It'll be a relief and an energy saver!

©Copyright Ada Porat. For more information, visit www.adaporat.com. This article may be freely distributed in whole or in part, provided there is no charge for it and this notice is attached.